Starring: Thomas Ian Griffith, James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, Sheryl Lee, Tim Guinee

Director: John Carpenter
Released: 1998

Mood: If your life has been a total snooze-fest lately and you desperately need to feel energized by a movie that blends all the most action-heavy elements of horror and Western.

Vampires, also known as John Carpenter’s Vampires, is like the vampy version of Tremors. Unfortunately, it’s less memorable and missing that big serving of Kevin Bacon.

It’s the same vibe though: two sass-mouthed guys have to hunt a Big Bad in a southwestern desert area, reliant on a young woman who one of them is attracted to. Small town people are in danger. The physical environment plays both ally and enemy.

It’s got tangible Western tropes in its hired killers and the whole ‘antiheroes versus villains’ things. Also a great score and a ton of action.

• Fun Fact #1: John Carpenter scored many of his popular movies, including Halloween, Escape from New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Christine, and Vampires.

To look at it another way, Vampires walked so From Dusk Till Dawn could run. We owe it to our Western horror forefathers to watch the movies that kept this niche genre alive, and proved that it could yield at least mild box office success. Even with a Baldwin – and not even the one John Carpenter wanted.

Vampires opens on a renegade band of vampire slayers led by Jack Crow (James Woods) and Anthony Montoya (Daniel Baldwin), raiding an abandoned home in rural New Mexico.

The house is a ‘nest’. They go in guns ablaze, a shitload of bloody action happens, and there are fewer vampires in the world. But while the guys celebrate the win at a motel with a harem of hookers and much debauchery, Crow is still bothered that they didn’t find the master.

Unfortunately he manifests a big problem: master Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) shows up at the motel and brutally kills almost everyone inside. Crow, Montoya, and a lady of the night named Katrina (Sheryl Lee) escape in a Jeep.

Katrina was bitten by Valek, and through a psychic connection she’ll be able to help them locate him – if she doesn’t turn first. It turns out the Vatican has sponsored Crow as a slayer and trained him up, but they also seem to be withholding some pretty critical information that could help him actually succeed.

Will Crow and Montoya manage to hunt down and destroy Valek’s main nest? Or will Valek obtain the Black Cross of Béziers and complete his transition to an unstoppable creature that can handle sunlight? It’s not actually that deep and you don’t really have to wonder. Just sit back and enjoy the violence.

John Carpenter wanted to avoid gothic, romantic vampires in his movie, and he did a great job. These vampires are pure savage AND can enter buildings uninvited. They seem to be able to survive even a stake through the heart, but explode into flames in sunlight.

Removing the undead’s superfluous weaknesses gives Vampires way more opportunities for unique forms of fighting the undead, like stakes chained to vehicles. One of my favourite moments is when Valek reaches through a guy he’s just killed to strangle a chick on the other side.

And the cinematography is REALLY good. There are many spectacular desert sunsets and sunrises that subtly guide the mood.

Carpenter was considering quitting directing when he was approached about this movie. It went through a ton of changes, from directors and actors to budget cuts, but it turned out pretty solid for its time.

• Fun Fact #2: Dolph Lundgren, Clint Eastwood, Kurt Russell, Bill Paxton, Al Pacino, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, and R. Lee Ermey were all apparently approached for the lead role. Alec Baldwin, Bruce Campbell, and Lundgren were up for the role of Montoya. Willem Dafoe was a first choice for the part of Valek. Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson, and Ron Underwood were originally considered for directors.

Thomas Ian Griffith gives you exactly what you want in a brutal vampire who’s marauding the southwestern desert in pursuit of the means to undo his curse. He looks like he could front a goth metal band, and radiates a vicious killer who enjoys watching humans suffer, and insane physicality.

Sheryl Lee is quite strong as Katrina. She’s got more layers than any of the dudes, and Lee gives you nuances that you wouldn’t expect from this type of ‘damsel in distress’ character. And Tim Guinee is way more enjoyable as Father Adam than the two leads, giving you a guy who stands up to bullies, takes his licks, and comes out the hero.

I was into James Woods as Crow in his first scenes. He has a crazy intensity that feels unique for an antihero, especially when you compare it to Eastwood-type Western characters. But it gets old pretty quick; he’s always at a 10 and the character is constantly spewing homophobic slurs while also asking dudes about their dicks. There’s nothing likeable about him.

Daniel Baldwin as Montoya is somehow better yet worse, but it’s mostly the character and his dialogue. He starts out chill, then gets lecherous about an unconscious woman, tying her facedown and naked when she could have easily been clothed. He stops her from killing herself, then backhands her and knocks her out, THEN abruptly switches to calling her ‘baby’ and saying gentle words. The story wants us to root for Montoya and his ‘love’ story, but he just seems like someone who has to work on himself.

Although Vampires misses the mark on character development and really could have shone with two different leads, it’s never boring.

• Fun Fact #3: When the budget was cut from $60M to $20M at the last minute, Carpenter rewrote the script. The original book’s author said the movie kept most of his dialogue but none of his plot.

Most reviewers have hated on this movie, but Siskel gave it 4/4 and praised the action, horror, storytelling, cinematography, and homage to Westerns.

Give it a try. It probably won’t make it into your regular rotation, but at least it’s fresh and fun to look at.